Mummy in Mourning

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

Something to say but how to say it?

Well, I’ve been away a while – but I’m back. (I’m sure you’re all thrilled…).

Randomly the reason I have been out of the loop for the best part of 7 months is due to my inability to construct a paragraph that told anyone interested I was expecting baby no 2. I’m not a fan of broadcasting your scan pictures on facebook and the suchlike. It seems like a very personal thing and something the whole world doesn’t necessarily need or want to hear about. So not only telling facebook friends, (who at least have the benefit of knowing my actual identity), but also readers of my blog, just didn’t sit right.

After several attempts at what could have been termed an “announcement” on the blog, I gave up. I have quite a few excuses that don’t involve pregnancy too. My hubby decided that he didn’t want to move house after all (after we’d sold ours and bought another); We embarked on a major extension to our current home; My employer started legal proceedings against my husband (their ex employee)…..I could go on. But, the basic facts as of today are:

1. I am 37 weeks pregnant and expecting another little girl,
2. I finish work this Friday for another years maternity leave,
3. Our kitchen extension is not yet complete.

Relaxing.

So, i’m back to talk about what its like to be pregnant with no 2 and also to make you aware of some lovely fashion finds for Mum, baby and toddler that I have found along the way over the last few months. I will be back over the next 48 hours with a “proper” post to be entitled “Mummy in Mourning”. Its good to be back.

Football widow

In today’s news it is suffice to say that the conception of our second child is being severely obstructed by the football.

I was hopeful that England‘s woeful performance and subsequent crashing out would bring the hubby back to bed before midnight each night but he remains captivated regardless.

I see that Spain v Portugal has gone to extra time so will accept defeat for tonight in favour of a good nights sleep!

Best Baby Buddies

I am lucky enough that my little babe has a little babe buddy. I am even luckier that the babe’s buddy’s mummy is my best mate.

I say all this because today was one of those days where you remember how important your friendships are for you and your kids.

The babe’s little buddy came running across to me and the babe this morning when she spotted us at playgroup and remained clamped to my leg until I picked her up for a cuddle. The two little ones then spent a couple of amusing hours investigating the plastic wendyhouse and offering each other raisins. Super cute.

I posted a couple of days ago about a Baby Zara body warmer I had purchased for the babe.  http://wp.me/p2hahM-7X  When I popped in at our buddy’s house yesterday I spotted the exact same one! (And believe me that is not because my mate reads my blog!)

Coordinating pregnancy number two could be more tricky…

That sinking feeling…

I may have come to sound like a stuck record on issues around being a working Mum but I do seem to come up against its challenges week after week with no let up!

Yesterday my lovely babe woke up looking like something not right. I don’t post pics of her for the slightly overcautious reason that I want this blog to remain anonymous but I was tempted by this particular sight. She has a bad case of conjunctivitis. This manifested itself in hard bright green discharge from her ears to the bridge of her nose across both eyes. Compounded by the solid green snot running nose to mouth she looked like a little baby alien child. Poor thing.

After I had prised all this from her face with 101 water soaked cotton wool balls I was forced to confront the next issue; Who on earth was going to look after my highly contagious child for my working week? Despite only working a three day week this seems to be a common issue. So the sinking feeling comes in. It starts with concern for my gorgeous girl, builds to panic when contemplating the reality of the situation and usually ends on feelings of inadequacy that I have to leave her with others when she’s not feeling great.

Thank goodness I have childminders that are not only accomodating of the common illnesses of childhood but that I really trust and value their influence over my little girl.

In other news I am very excited that the warm weather has eventually allowed me to break into the babes summer wardrobe. Below is a fab coral romper that I bought a few weeks ago at George at Asda. A bargain at £6 and right on trend both in colour and style. Even with gooey eyes – supercute!

The coral one is no longer available online but this denim version packs a similar punch. http://direct.asda.com/george/younger-girls-trousers-shorts/heart-print-denim-playsuit/GEM234287,default,pd.html

I gave my love a cherry…

The blog title may appear a bit cryptic today but its actually a song title. Also known as The Riddle Song it’s an old folk tune turned lullaby that the teacher at my musical babies class sang today and made me cry a wee bit. Check it out on iTunes. There are loads of different versions including one from Carlie Simon… I’m not saying that I’ve never been a crier but motherhood does take it to a new dimension me thinks. P&G adverts now have the power to make me sniff and not even when it’s that time of the month.

My Tuesday night blogs may end up being a bit sentimental as I’m always preparing to leave the babe and go into work on the Weds after my four days off. I am sure that it will get easier with time but I do wish it could be different. The babe is one on Thursday so I have the day off anyway so really I should stop complaining.

I’m sure I will have more to say on her birthday later in the week but for now all I can say is what many have said before me:- where has the time gone. It’s funny to remember the state of mind I was in this time last year. Fussing with my hospital bag and putting finishing touches to the nursery. How different it must be for the second time Mum. As one woman I know who’s six months pregnant with a one year old commented to me the other day, “you forget you’re pregnant most of the time”. So with just the one babe for now I can look back and ponder safe in the knowledge that as yet there is only one chance of an unbroken nights sleep. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Top Tip

Hush Harem Trousers

These trousers saw me through pregnancy, post baby mummy tummy and are still worn every week now. They are universally flattering, very comfy and look a lot more put together than joggers. I wear them with a double layered racer vest in the summer or a knitted slimline jumper in the winter and never fail to get compliments. They wash well, are in lovely heavyweight jersey and are well priced at £45.

I know a lot of people think harems aren’t for them. I get that but please try these and then decide.
http://www.hush-uk.com/loungewear/trousers/long-harem-trousers-concrete.html

4am baby blues

I am writing this from my office work station whilst desperately trying to stay awake. I am fully aware that I am not the first mother in history to be up in the night with her child but the combination of events yesterday, overnight and this morning has left me a little underpar.

Thanks to organisational incompetence I had no laptop provided on my return from maternity leave which means that I now have to wait about two weeks to log on from home and complete anything that overlaps the 5pm hometime neccessitated by nursery pick up. I didn’t really anticipate this causing an issue but having taken a 4.30pm call that needed action in time for 8am this morning I ended up having to email notes to my ipad to complete overnight and email back for this AM. I went to bed early in an attempt to get a bit of sleep in before the hubby returned from London at 10.30pm. I then slept on and off from 11pm whilst the monitor amplified the babe’s coughs until 4am when she gave up attempting to settle herself and just started to cry.

I can only guess that her recent transition to the childminder three days a week has left her feeling a little clingy but since she is feeling rubbish (and I am missing my cuddles) I was happy to give her a snuggle and put her back down to sleep. This would not suffice and each time I transferred her from my arms back to the cot she went back to high pitched screeching “Mama, Mama”. At 5am I gave up and let her sleep on me in the rocking chair whilst I snoozed and my feet turned to ice. Assured she was out for the count I put her in her cot just as the hubby’s 5.45am alarm went off for his trip to Leeds. As I was getting up at 6.30am anyway, it seemed pointless to go back to sleep.

The babe who usually sleeps till 7am ish was still flat out at 7.30am thanks to her 4am antics so I had to wake her from peaceful slumber to get to the childminder for 8am and the last of my challenges for 8.30am:- A four hour sales training session. Thankfully the babe seemed a little happier to be left this morning and only started to screech after 5mins smiling…we’ll get there.

In all fairness to the trainer, he ran a good session that seemed to engage even the most world weary of consultants but I fear my bubbly, “always there with a question”, alter ego didn’t make it.

I will however stop complaining. I realise I am very lucky to have a 3 day working week, a lovely childminder who the babe really likes and a hubby who provides the means to let me only work three days. A lucky girl really.

Top Tip 5

Maternity Skinnies

One for the pregnant fashionistas out there today. When I was pregnant I was hugely frustrated by the lack of normal looking clothes available for the soon to be Mum. I am a skinnies, flats and long line tee kind of a girl off duty and found only wide leg or bootcut jeans available with lovely under the bump stretchyness. Thank goodness for Topshop! I have their Moto Leigh supersoft stretch skinny jeans in all colours from their non-maternity range. They are more substantial than leggings but not as restrictive as proper jeans and go with everthing in my wardrobe. And they do exactly the same ones in their maternity range just with a big elasticated under bump band. Very comfy and no fashion compromise.

http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=33057&storeId=12556&productId=4622765&langId=-1&sort_field=Relevance&categoryId=208537&parent_categoryId=203984&pageSize=200

I bought two pairs of the black ones in the late stages of my pregnancy and wore them in my corporate office with French Sole ballet flats and a decent blouse and nobody passed comment.