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Mummy in Mourning

28 Feb

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

Toddler poo problems

30 May

After a week out of the blogging game I am coming back with the unusual mix of toddler nutrition and harem pants. Let’s deal with first things first. The babe has struggled with her poos from being a tiny thing. (It runs in her family bless her). I gave her water in between feeds when she was three months to help and anticipated drama when she moved to solids. Whilst weaning wasn’t disastrous – the babe is a tremendous eater and there are few things she won’t sample – each new food introduced had to be given an opportunity to get out of her system again before we new what trouble it might cause.

I think I have been pretty good with what I give her to eat. I bought a brilliant Beaba Babycook which I would highly recommend and which ensured early weaning friendly purées in minutes. I succumb to Ella’s kitchen fruit smoothie pouches for ease but how bad can 100% fruit be? Well, it turns out pretty terrible for a toddler with a sensitive digestive system. Despite the best efforts of my somewhat old school health visitor, the babe has struggled with her poos for at least 6 months.

My lovely childminders who I frequently praise on the blog took it upon themselves to point out to me that some of the stuff I was giving her to eat was really not helping. Some might take offence but I was soooo grateful. They know I’m a mum who only wants the best for her girl and will do anything in her power to make her life easier and I’m confident they respect me as a parent. So why not take a little advice from parents and carers who have a lot more experience in life and child rearing than me. Taking her off her favourite bananas and substituting pears and apples was a big one. (Bananas are all sugar apparently). Red meat and pasta together are almost impossible for small children to digest. (Out went her favourite homemade spaghetti bolognese and in with the ratatouille). And all per packed foods for children have massive amounts of sugar in them, natural or not, that exacerbates any digestive issues. (Even her Petit Filou yogurts have been switched for Greek yoghurt and fruit purée, very tasty).

When I went to pick her up tonight I discovered that the childminders had bought me two recipe books to help me and congratulate me on my success. How lush. I may now need to seek out the health visitor who told me that the babe should be eating the same meals that we eat all the time……

My other promised topic was harem pants. I am a big fan and I am too for the babe in summer. When she was tiny she had some gorgeous white linen ones, long ago too small. Imagine my excitement when I came across some new ones in Next yesterday. Gorgeous detail and a good price for a lovely quality item. Still available online at £11. The shot is of the babe sporting her harem pants in portugal last summer. She was the grand old age of 5 months….

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That sinking feeling…

23 May

I may have come to sound like a stuck record on issues around being a working Mum but I do seem to come up against its challenges week after week with no let up!

Yesterday my lovely babe woke up looking like something not right. I don’t post pics of her for the slightly overcautious reason that I want this blog to remain anonymous but I was tempted by this particular sight. She has a bad case of conjunctivitis. This manifested itself in hard bright green discharge from her ears to the bridge of her nose across both eyes. Compounded by the solid green snot running nose to mouth she looked like a little baby alien child. Poor thing.

After I had prised all this from her face with 101 water soaked cotton wool balls I was forced to confront the next issue; Who on earth was going to look after my highly contagious child for my working week? Despite only working a three day week this seems to be a common issue. So the sinking feeling comes in. It starts with concern for my gorgeous girl, builds to panic when contemplating the reality of the situation and usually ends on feelings of inadequacy that I have to leave her with others when she’s not feeling great.

Thank goodness I have childminders that are not only accomodating of the common illnesses of childhood but that I really trust and value their influence over my little girl.

In other news I am very excited that the warm weather has eventually allowed me to break into the babes summer wardrobe. Below is a fab coral romper that I bought a few weeks ago at George at Asda. A bargain at £6 and right on trend both in colour and style. Even with gooey eyes – supercute!

The coral one is no longer available online but this denim version packs a similar punch. http://direct.asda.com/george/younger-girls-trousers-shorts/heart-print-denim-playsuit/GEM234287,default,pd.html

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Daddy gets special treatment?

18 May

For those who read my wardrobe edit post the other day I have to start my blog with a picture of the Donna Ida packaging. Not only were the jeans fabulous but the packaging made me feel extra special!

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Perhaps the reason I am getting so excited over packaging is my generally more stony mood as a result of a blip in the babe‘s sleeping. For all those lovely mothers whose toddlers are yet to sleep through the night I apologise for what is to follow. I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who operate well after years of broken sleep – you are amazing.

The babe has slept through from being about 9 weeks old. She was still being breast fed so I understand that this is somewhat unusual or as I suspect, lucky. The girl just loves her bed and is great at settling herself thanks to her not-insignificant thumb sucking habit. (V cute). There have been a couple of exceptions to this. A round trip to Canada knocked her body clock out at 8 months but thats a fair exception – I didn’t sleep right for weeks.

Anyway the last few nights I have been up between 11pm and 4am at varying intervals to attend to a screeching child. It could be teeth, so she’s had Calpol, it could be that she’s just starting to walk and she loves to stand up in her cot, it could be that she’s suddenly become afraid of the dark. After the 3rd time of putting her back in her cot to hear her screech for her life I fear that she is just learning how to push her Mum‘s buttons. She’s very good at it.

Last night I needed to host a business dinner staying away from home and as the babe isn’t used to my hubby’s attention during the night I was concerned that should she wake up screaming he might have a challenge on his hands to settle her. I called in this morning from my hotel room only to be told she had slept 7.30pm to 7.10am without so much of a peep! (He even felt the need to check if she was breathing at one point so deep was her sleep).

I am now off to pick her up from the childminder with a spring in my step given I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning. However, I am told she has not been potty for almost 48 hours so I suspect she is waiting for me to deal with this too. The joys of motherhood!

eBay My Wardrobe

14 May

Apologies to those who follow my blog and are therefore wondering whether I have infact given up. Not so. However, the babe has been getting up for three hours in the middle of the night for the last week so my usual blog time has been taken up with blessed sleep. One can only hope that the last of her teeth are almost through and I can go back to a more regular blog and a more sorted wardrobe.

Whilst in the stream lining phase of my wardrobe sort I have sold a number of items on eBay. I do this a lot and whilst second hand isn’t everyones cup of tea I find it a really great way of recycling stuff that is loads better than just throwing things out. (It also enables me to continue fuelling my shopping habit by recouping some of my spend…). One of my good mates has taken to acquiring items from my wardrobe via eBay, her reasoning being that if she goes via an auction she will pay what the item is actually worth on the open market rather than having the embarrassing “how much?” chat between friends. Whatever works for her!

I never sell without also aquiring new stuff unfortunately. eBay selling almost always becomes eBay buying as once i’m on the site I find it has an addictive effect on me. Must find new shoes, bag, jacket etc etc. I have this week sold an old pair of Jimmy Choo flats that were seldom worn and in excellent condition and replaced them with a pair of pink neon Dior flats that will fit right into my summer wardrobe. I don’t mind second hand designer.

The Choo’s:

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And the new pink Dior’s:

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I am starting to become aware that my blog is split personality. One day style related, the next very much a mummy blog. Maybe I need to consider splitting the two or maybe it’s provides variation for my meagre readership!

Chicken Pox Party – are you kidding?

6 May

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I just about have time to blog between putting the babe down to bed very early and the hubby arriving back from the football. The babe doesn’t normally get her head down for another 45 mins but she was falling asleep on me during Charlie & Lola so I elected to call it early. The hubby will no doubt be a little forlorn (bad result) and a little drunk (having been out since half eleven) so best to blog now me thinks!

I’ve struggled to blog for the last couple of days as the babe has been unable to go to the childminder with a v high temperature and a mystery illness. I have assumed teething but I am now starting to get the fear. I think it’s Chicken Pox. Having spent a lovely bank holiday Sunday with our best buddies I am especially worried as the rash has just appeared tonight so I may have infected our favourite girls.

This brings me to my point. Will said lovely friend and her equally lovely little girl be thrilled to understand that the babe has chicken pox thus getting the disease out of the way in its mildest childhood form or be swearing at me as soon as I put down the phone at having caused further distress and pandemonium in her already full to bursting life. This is where the very real notion of a “Pox Party” comes in. Apparently it is customary in some parts to spread the virus amongst young children as quickly as possible to get it out of the way.

As mentioned above I realise the virus is often at its mildest in early childhood but this is by no means guaranteed. I also struggle with the idea of intentionally making the babe miserable. My precious girl is just too precious to inflict suffering on her intentionally. And I’m really not a soft Mum, honest.

Going back to my mate, my mind is already turning to the reality of managing the babe with hugely infectious virus requiring her to be house bound, alongside my working week, the hubby’s working week away from home and the childminder being unable to take her. Going to be a new level of juggling. But when it comes down to it, I’ll be here with her every step of the way – because at least to me, that’s what being a Mum is about.

NB. For those looking for a fashionable note, the pic is of the babe in her latest Zara tee. I’m not a huge fan of slogan tops but the spots and neon had me sold. Still available at http://www.zara.com in 3-24 months. Seems ironic now that it’s spotty…..