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Mummy in Mourning

28 Feb

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

Best Baby Buddies

25 Jun

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I am lucky enough that my little babe has a little babe buddy. I am even luckier that the babe’s buddy’s mummy is my best mate.

I say all this because today was one of those days where you remember how important your friendships are for you and your kids.

The babe’s little buddy came running across to me and the babe this morning when she spotted us at playgroup and remained clamped to my leg until I picked her up for a cuddle. The two little ones then spent a couple of amusing hours investigating the plastic wendyhouse and offering each other raisins. Super cute.

I posted a couple of days ago about a Baby Zara body warmer I had purchased for the babe.  http://wp.me/p2hahM-7X  When I popped in at our buddy’s house yesterday I spotted the exact same one! (And believe me that is not because my mate reads my blog!)

Coordinating pregnancy number two could be more tricky…

Conspicuous by my absence

20 Jun

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I have just logged into my blog account and realised that I haven’t written anything useful for three weeks! Woeful behaviour. I read another mummy blog the other day where a similar absence was put down to being “a bit sad”. Whilst this certainly rang a bell with me I have in reality been mostly very busy and away from the office where I often write these posts whilst pretending to work.

Over the last three weeks I have been:-

Camping with the babe and hubby in the rainy lakes,

Spending three lush days with my best bud and her babe doing child centric activities,

Looking for a new house,

Forgetting that I have to work for a living and,

Seriously thinking about babe no 2.

When I say camping I really mean glamping (if any form of holiday with a young child can be considered glamorous). We went to the Lake District in a camping pod provided by the National Trust. Whilst it rained it was very relaxing to be away from all things electronic and its only after the event that I realise just how much iPad and iPhone distract from the business of being a family.

The babe delighted in having both mother and father’s undivided attention and made the hubby’s year with her wide eyed smiles as he pitched his tent in the rain. I should note that the hubby has military roots and made a living out of adventurous training in his younger days. He has spent much of our courtship and marriage trying to get me into walking boots and gortex, largely unsuccessfully. He must have been overjoyed that lack of cash and reluctance to fly with the babe got me as close to nature as he could hope for. My new walking boots are fashionably purple but still fundamentally ugly.

The camping pod was really just a glorified shed. It had no light or power but the solid floor meant that the babe could have her full size travel cot and mum a camp cot on the floor. I can’t say daddy was disappointed to be squeezed out into his tent. Whether or not a two man North Face expedition tent intended by the manufacturer as suitable for making Everest base camp was needed is however debatable….

Like all good Mummy shoppers I did take the opportunity to find the babe wet weather kit so that she could get stuck in despite the weather. She is an infant size 3 so finding wellies was a nightmare! So much of a nightmare that I thought it only fair to share what I found. The shop is on my local high street but stock is all available online. Jump Shoes

The waterproof jacket and trousers were procured from JoJo Maman Bebe and are pac a mac style so they take up little to no room in a bag. They also come in a variety of girl and boy friendly colours and are available mail order. Pink and purple Polka Dots are all a girl needs to look stylish in the rain. That and purple walking boots…. Jojo Wet Weather Gear

NB. For the next few weeks I have made a commitment to myself to post something every day. A couple of days a week it will be extensive but mostly it will be a pic of something I am lusting after for myself or the babe (under the Barbie My Baby tagline) or an observation on something that has touched me during that day. Fingers crossed it’ll be entertaining.

Chicken Pox Party – are you kidding?

6 May

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I just about have time to blog between putting the babe down to bed very early and the hubby arriving back from the football. The babe doesn’t normally get her head down for another 45 mins but she was falling asleep on me during Charlie & Lola so I elected to call it early. The hubby will no doubt be a little forlorn (bad result) and a little drunk (having been out since half eleven) so best to blog now me thinks!

I’ve struggled to blog for the last couple of days as the babe has been unable to go to the childminder with a v high temperature and a mystery illness. I have assumed teething but I am now starting to get the fear. I think it’s Chicken Pox. Having spent a lovely bank holiday Sunday with our best buddies I am especially worried as the rash has just appeared tonight so I may have infected our favourite girls.

This brings me to my point. Will said lovely friend and her equally lovely little girl be thrilled to understand that the babe has chicken pox thus getting the disease out of the way in its mildest childhood form or be swearing at me as soon as I put down the phone at having caused further distress and pandemonium in her already full to bursting life. This is where the very real notion of a “Pox Party” comes in. Apparently it is customary in some parts to spread the virus amongst young children as quickly as possible to get it out of the way.

As mentioned above I realise the virus is often at its mildest in early childhood but this is by no means guaranteed. I also struggle with the idea of intentionally making the babe miserable. My precious girl is just too precious to inflict suffering on her intentionally. And I’m really not a soft Mum, honest.

Going back to my mate, my mind is already turning to the reality of managing the babe with hugely infectious virus requiring her to be house bound, alongside my working week, the hubby’s working week away from home and the childminder being unable to take her. Going to be a new level of juggling. But when it comes down to it, I’ll be here with her every step of the way – because at least to me, that’s what being a Mum is about.

NB. For those looking for a fashionable note, the pic is of the babe in her latest Zara tee. I’m not a huge fan of slogan tops but the spots and neon had me sold. Still available at http://www.zara.com in 3-24 months. Seems ironic now that it’s spotty…..