Tag Archives: motherhood

Facebook for Mummies

2 Jul

Since my 2nd babe was born it seems the world on online motherhood has exploded. I frequently find myself intentionally leaving my phone in another part of my house to prevent me from phone checking inplace of playing with my kids.  Whilst the groups I subscribe to have often offered me reassurance for childhood medical complaints (newborn rash or suspected ear infections), I have started to feel that these cyber groups often bring conflict where there wasn’t any in the first place.

If I accept that if I post a picture of my child’s rash I will get a nurse, a mother who recently had a child with a similar problem, and at least 6 people telling me to call 111 incase its meningitis, then its worth posting. But am I really seeking the advice of a medical professional that doesn’t exist in this context instead of going with my instinct; Its probably nothing but if it persists I’ll take her to the docs.

Motherhood can be an isolating experience and it seems comforting to reach out to a group of people who you perceive as having the same experience as you. But perhaps that’s the problem. Just because you have the common tag of mother, doesn’t mean a lot. You are approaching a cross section of the general population who all have different backgrounds, experiences and views to you and expecting them to agree with you.  

Comforting or just plain confusing?

To the mother struggling with an abusive partner, the mum who’s lack of sex drive is getting her down and the woman who doesn’t feel emotionally attached to her children – please remember that just because somebody responds to your post doesn’t make them right.

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Mummy in Mourning

28 Feb

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

Chicken Pox Party – are you kidding?

6 May

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I just about have time to blog between putting the babe down to bed very early and the hubby arriving back from the football. The babe doesn’t normally get her head down for another 45 mins but she was falling asleep on me during Charlie & Lola so I elected to call it early. The hubby will no doubt be a little forlorn (bad result) and a little drunk (having been out since half eleven) so best to blog now me thinks!

I’ve struggled to blog for the last couple of days as the babe has been unable to go to the childminder with a v high temperature and a mystery illness. I have assumed teething but I am now starting to get the fear. I think it’s Chicken Pox. Having spent a lovely bank holiday Sunday with our best buddies I am especially worried as the rash has just appeared tonight so I may have infected our favourite girls.

This brings me to my point. Will said lovely friend and her equally lovely little girl be thrilled to understand that the babe has chicken pox thus getting the disease out of the way in its mildest childhood form or be swearing at me as soon as I put down the phone at having caused further distress and pandemonium in her already full to bursting life. This is where the very real notion of a “Pox Party” comes in. Apparently it is customary in some parts to spread the virus amongst young children as quickly as possible to get it out of the way.

As mentioned above I realise the virus is often at its mildest in early childhood but this is by no means guaranteed. I also struggle with the idea of intentionally making the babe miserable. My precious girl is just too precious to inflict suffering on her intentionally. And I’m really not a soft Mum, honest.

Going back to my mate, my mind is already turning to the reality of managing the babe with hugely infectious virus requiring her to be house bound, alongside my working week, the hubby’s working week away from home and the childminder being unable to take her. Going to be a new level of juggling. But when it comes down to it, I’ll be here with her every step of the way – because at least to me, that’s what being a Mum is about.

NB. For those looking for a fashionable note, the pic is of the babe in her latest Zara tee. I’m not a huge fan of slogan tops but the spots and neon had me sold. Still available at http://www.zara.com in 3-24 months. Seems ironic now that it’s spotty…..

Potty for the Potty

24 Apr

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I had to write a post today to detail the mildly concerning and highly amusing events of yesterday. Not all mothers would find these events amusing I must assure you, but on balance I find you have to see the funny side or you’re stuffed.

I am not a blogger who likes to write about her child’s bowel movements in detail. I write about baby fashion and working Mum‘s but sometimes sh*t just happens. (Sorry about that).

So, the babe, she is a determined little thing and she is currently determined only to do a number 2 whilst on her thrown. We started using a potty when she was about 11 months. (Not out of any desire to win the potty training competition I must add). She had various issues going to the loo and my Mum suggested she might find it easier to go if she was sitting. The prescribed Movicol hadn’t had much effect so I gave it a go, and it worked. 3 months on she goes on the potty a couple of times a day, very rarely resorting to her nappy for a no 2.

However, we were out for lunch on Sunday with some mates. In hindsight it was fortunate that these were mates that were longstanding and also had young children of their own. Despite having purchased a travel potty the previous week I had neglected to bring it with me, confident that if she really neeeded to go – she would in her nappy.

She was no sooner in her highchair than I saw the telltale signs that she needed to go. I held her, cajoled her, took her to the changing room to take her nappy off to see if that helped but all to no avail. On taking her back into the relatively swanky gastro pub her cries started up again and my hubby suggested I just hold her over the loo. Nice. Amazingly it very quickly worked and we good rid of the offending issue. Sadly Mummy’s lovely beef and yorkshire pudding was stone cold. A small price to pay for a happy babe.

The second incident may have some reaching for the phone to call social services but hopefully will raise a chuckle too. The babe has recently graduated to a slightly larger pot to accomodate her growing behind. We went upstairs yesterday lunchtime and all was going to plan until I left the room to grab some wipes. The rooms are next door and the danger of accident I felt limited but no so. I re-entered the bathroom just in time to see her toppling sideways mid bowel movement onto the lino. Whether the subsequent screams were as a result of injury caused through the fall or the poo itself is hard to say. However the engineers from Sky fitting our multiroom in the bedroom were no doubt left unsure of what was going on. Bless her. She now has a lovely purple bruise on her cheekbone which I feel the need to explain to everyyone I meet lest they be concerned.

I am genuinely pleased that we have found a way of making the whole issue of going to the toilet easier for her. Lesson for the week seems to be to remember the travel potty, you never know when the mood might strike…

Ps. The potty photo isn’t the babe but the below is. Showcasing her baby Zara jeans and her new found stair climbing skills…nightmare!

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Mothers and Daughters and Badly Dressed Babies

17 Apr

I have just had my Mum over for a Chinese as both my hubby and hers are working away. She was admiring the babes outfit of the day and I was reminded of my anal tendencies when it comes to clothing. I changed the babes tshirt three times this morning because I wasn’t happy with the neckline on some of her bigger tops. Her vest cannot be showing! (It’s borderline OCD). I thought I would share one of my least fashionable baby outfits today just to amuse. I promised to post about her christening outfit but this was a disaster in itself, based on my refusal to buy a pretty little girl party dress, lesson learned there…

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The above pink explosion is a baby North Face track suit purchased in Whistler in Jan. The hubby is a massive fan of all things North Face and we felt she had to get in on the act. Fashionable it isn’t but cosy, comfy and perfic for crawling it very much is!

On more sensible subjects I was Godmother to my best friend from schools little girl on Sunday. Aside from the babe’s less than appropriate outfit we had a really nice day and I got to see some old friends from school. It’s lovely to be with people who you have shared other stages of your life with and then see them with their kids too. Lovely.

After the god parenting duties were done I retreated to the kids room at the back of the church to keep the babe entertained for the rest of the service. She had been smiling and waving at me from her mid pew seat throughout the christening itself. I think at the grand old age of one she lacked the realisation that this event was not all about her…bless.

What I wanted to blog about was a funny little conversation I had with my mate’s Mum in the kids room at the back. Before I mention it I think it’s important to say that I have been involved with their family for 15 years including going on hols together and am really close to her Mum and Dad. Her Mum was asking after the babe and my plans for baby no 2 when she slipped into the conversation that she didn’t think her daughter had “taken to” motherhood in the way that I had. Compliment to me certainly but a bit of a stab in the back for her own daughter perhaps?

I know I’m lucky to have a great relationship with my mum and I know not everyone does. I have seen enough of this particular relationship first hand to know that the two of them haven’t always got along. But still, it felt a bit disloyal even if I wasn’t surprised by it. Having said that I did wonder whether my mate herself would be far from annoyed and might just agree with he Mum. Not everyone feels the same way and it’s different strokes for different folks. Doesn’t make it right or wrong. Food for thought maybe.

Going with my gut – babies and houses

14 Apr

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I blogged earlier in the week about some of the things that have been going through my mind when considering baby no 2. I’m pretty sure I’ve decided to go for it but it’s not been as calculated a decision as I imagined.

When I had the babe I had an instinctive response to being a mum which appears to have served me well. An overwhelming feeling allowed me to go forward confidently. I can’t say exactly what the feeling is but it’s with me still. I know having number 2 when no 1 is only one will be tough but it feels like the right thing to do. Fortunately the hubby agrees!

So that brings us to the more practical problem of moving house. Reading what I’ve already written its making me chuckle cause the hubby and I have a not dissimilar approach to houses that we do with babies. We go with our gut. We bought our current house without looking at much else and it’s suited us down to the ground for the last 7 years. We are on the brink of doing the same thing again, but I’m confident. (This is partly because I was an estate agent in a former life and like to think I know my stuff but there is more to it than that).

In reality we’ve probably spent the last twelve months thinking and talking about what our next home might look like. We’ve dismissed upping our mortgage by any major amount. We’ve tried to convert our loft here and established we can’t. We’ve understood that we really want a bigger kitchen and a study, and that the garden needs to be sunny. Not an unusual list I’m sure but it’s clearer in our minds now. And that seems a good way to go forward for our family.

Tomorrow I promise to blog on christening outfits for me and the babe, it’s just been a big week aside from fashionable concerns…

Moving between babies

11 Apr

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Sometimes things are just meant to be. I am off work this week really because the child minder is away but I’m really glad I am. The babe is teething in epic fashion. It’s fair to say that she is a good baby, eats well, sleeps well and is generally smiley. Not so this week. She started with the teeth v early at 5 months and she’s had 7 or 8 for a few months now. A quick peek in her mouth this week and I can see 5 more coming through all at once! No wonder she’s grumpy.

With the babe being under the weather she has been sleeping more and likes to cuddle up on me in the morning something she hasn’t done for months. It’s been lovely and has made me think what it would be like for the potential baby number two. I can’t help thinking that I wouldn’t have the hours to devote sitting while he or she slept. I know it’s always different for a second baby and they wouldn’t know any different but it’s all food for thought. I do think the babe would like it though, she shows more and more interest in smaller babies. Bless.

The second baby thinking has led me and the hubby to talk about moving house. We love our current home and are seriously sentimental individuals. It is our first home together, I was married from it and we brought the babe back here from the hospital so it will be hard to leave. But the reality is that we are at least one bedroom short and would benefit from a much bigger kitchen. This house was bought when we were a professional couple who hadn’t thought about kids. How things change…

So, I think we should move before we think about getting pregnant again. Just need to detach the hubby from the house. Easier said than done me thinks.

Back to baby fashions tomorrow. My best mate’s little girl is getting christened on sunday and I need to think outfits!