Tag Archives: mum

Mummy in Mourning

28 Feb

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

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Daddy gets special treatment?

18 May

For those who read my wardrobe edit post the other day I have to start my blog with a picture of the Donna Ida packaging. Not only were the jeans fabulous but the packaging made me feel extra special!

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Perhaps the reason I am getting so excited over packaging is my generally more stony mood as a result of a blip in the babe‘s sleeping. For all those lovely mothers whose toddlers are yet to sleep through the night I apologise for what is to follow. I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who operate well after years of broken sleep – you are amazing.

The babe has slept through from being about 9 weeks old. She was still being breast fed so I understand that this is somewhat unusual or as I suspect, lucky. The girl just loves her bed and is great at settling herself thanks to her not-insignificant thumb sucking habit. (V cute). There have been a couple of exceptions to this. A round trip to Canada knocked her body clock out at 8 months but thats a fair exception – I didn’t sleep right for weeks.

Anyway the last few nights I have been up between 11pm and 4am at varying intervals to attend to a screeching child. It could be teeth, so she’s had Calpol, it could be that she’s just starting to walk and she loves to stand up in her cot, it could be that she’s suddenly become afraid of the dark. After the 3rd time of putting her back in her cot to hear her screech for her life I fear that she is just learning how to push her Mum‘s buttons. She’s very good at it.

Last night I needed to host a business dinner staying away from home and as the babe isn’t used to my hubby’s attention during the night I was concerned that should she wake up screaming he might have a challenge on his hands to settle her. I called in this morning from my hotel room only to be told she had slept 7.30pm to 7.10am without so much of a peep! (He even felt the need to check if she was breathing at one point so deep was her sleep).

I am now off to pick her up from the childminder with a spring in my step given I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning. However, I am told she has not been potty for almost 48 hours so I suspect she is waiting for me to deal with this too. The joys of motherhood!

Mothers and Daughters and Badly Dressed Babies

17 Apr

I have just had my Mum over for a Chinese as both my hubby and hers are working away. She was admiring the babes outfit of the day and I was reminded of my anal tendencies when it comes to clothing. I changed the babes tshirt three times this morning because I wasn’t happy with the neckline on some of her bigger tops. Her vest cannot be showing! (It’s borderline OCD). I thought I would share one of my least fashionable baby outfits today just to amuse. I promised to post about her christening outfit but this was a disaster in itself, based on my refusal to buy a pretty little girl party dress, lesson learned there…

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The above pink explosion is a baby North Face track suit purchased in Whistler in Jan. The hubby is a massive fan of all things North Face and we felt she had to get in on the act. Fashionable it isn’t but cosy, comfy and perfic for crawling it very much is!

On more sensible subjects I was Godmother to my best friend from schools little girl on Sunday. Aside from the babe’s less than appropriate outfit we had a really nice day and I got to see some old friends from school. It’s lovely to be with people who you have shared other stages of your life with and then see them with their kids too. Lovely.

After the god parenting duties were done I retreated to the kids room at the back of the church to keep the babe entertained for the rest of the service. She had been smiling and waving at me from her mid pew seat throughout the christening itself. I think at the grand old age of one she lacked the realisation that this event was not all about her…bless.

What I wanted to blog about was a funny little conversation I had with my mate’s Mum in the kids room at the back. Before I mention it I think it’s important to say that I have been involved with their family for 15 years including going on hols together and am really close to her Mum and Dad. Her Mum was asking after the babe and my plans for baby no 2 when she slipped into the conversation that she didn’t think her daughter had “taken to” motherhood in the way that I had. Compliment to me certainly but a bit of a stab in the back for her own daughter perhaps?

I know I’m lucky to have a great relationship with my mum and I know not everyone does. I have seen enough of this particular relationship first hand to know that the two of them haven’t always got along. But still, it felt a bit disloyal even if I wasn’t surprised by it. Having said that I did wonder whether my mate herself would be far from annoyed and might just agree with he Mum. Not everyone feels the same way and it’s different strokes for different folks. Doesn’t make it right or wrong. Food for thought maybe.

Happy birthday baby

22 Mar

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Phew! What a day. I am just sitting down at the end of the babe’s first birthday after what I hope was a lovely day for her. Its a celebration of her little life which goes someway to showing how amazing she is to me and how she’s made everything in life better and more worthwhile.

I’ve felt quite emotional really, it’s seem so unlikely that I had a baby just a year today and she is now this little person with a personality all her own. What a star.

What I have learned today however is that children’s birthdays don’t really belong to their parents. I suspect particularly in the pre-school years the day is over taken by well meaning but somewhat overwhelming relatives all keen to share in the special day. Regardless of this, I did manage to chill out and have a good time. Her best baby buddy and my equally best mummy friend made themselves available to us all day and were there by my side through every relative. My own mummy also brought a little pressie for her own little girl in the form of a baby book by Anthony Browne called “My Mum“. It’s one of those things that you couldn’t buy for yourself as it celebrates how good a mum you are but you always would hope someone thinks it of you. Bless her. http://www.childrenslaureate.org.uk/previous-laureates/books/1/25557/

Gran also bought the babe a tiny posy of gerberas. Hand tide and brightly coloured. I suspect this might become a tradition, and what a lovely one.

From a fashion perspective I think it may have been a low one for mum and baby. She was bought a number of clothes as gifts, (including a pink tutu dress and a baby Monsoon outfit), which whilst pretty and no doubt expensive are really not my cup of tea. I realise I won’t be able to dictate her wardrobe for much longer so I will for now! I know I am very hard to please. My weekend blog should up the baby fashion stakes as me and the best bud are heading out on a spree on Saturday afternoon. Watch this space!

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