Tag Archives: second baby

Mummy in Mourning

28 Feb

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

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Vogue on Working Mothers

26 Apr

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I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago that a few of you were kind enough to comment on. It was considering some of the realities of thinking about baby no 2 and was mainly around home based practical concerns like big enough houses.

This week I feel like the working Mum challenges are front of mind, if we’re going to have another baby is there really a good time for me career wise. Its really hard to do my role part time and its not ideal for me or my employer so is it best to have another babe asap and then go back to the career later when I can give it my all? Lots rhetorical questions and we’re only 2 paragraphs in, sorry!

It does amuse me when TV and radio debates rage around maternity rights for women. The British Vogue Editor Alexandra Shulman was on Women’s Hour on Radio 4 last week debating on an entirely different topic but was quizzed by the female presenter on her openly held views on maternity rights in business. I’ve linked an interview with her here as whilst I don’t 100% agree with her she has some interesting views that ring true. http://bx.businessweek.com/the-glass-ceiling/view?url=http%3A%2F%2Fc.moreover.com%2Fclick%2Fhere.pl%3Fr2323058415%26f%3D9791 I do find it dissapointing that she is critiqued for pointing out realities. It simply is very difficult to work full time and be a mother to young children.

Is it a decision between furthering my career and growing my family? I suspect its a lot more complicated than that and a big part of me thinks that 10 years on things could be very different. The hubby met a woman last week (for his job just to be clear) that had her two children at around my age and 10 years later at the grand old age of 42 was right at the peak of her career. (She has a very sexy branded senior marketing job in the beauty industry). She felt that having kids earlier than was normal for her peer group, in her late 20’s early 30’s had allowed her to take time out with the kids pre-school age and then really refocus on her career once they were a bit bigger. I found this really encouraging but it also made me consider whether my career is the right career for me. I have outperformed my peer group financially and am respected in what I do. How fulfilled am I? Its hard to say but I do feel the need to blog too.

What I am undoubtedly fulfilled by is being a Mum. And that’s the best reason to have another baby I can think of.

Going with my gut – babies and houses

14 Apr

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I blogged earlier in the week about some of the things that have been going through my mind when considering baby no 2. I’m pretty sure I’ve decided to go for it but it’s not been as calculated a decision as I imagined.

When I had the babe I had an instinctive response to being a mum which appears to have served me well. An overwhelming feeling allowed me to go forward confidently. I can’t say exactly what the feeling is but it’s with me still. I know having number 2 when no 1 is only one will be tough but it feels like the right thing to do. Fortunately the hubby agrees!

So that brings us to the more practical problem of moving house. Reading what I’ve already written its making me chuckle cause the hubby and I have a not dissimilar approach to houses that we do with babies. We go with our gut. We bought our current house without looking at much else and it’s suited us down to the ground for the last 7 years. We are on the brink of doing the same thing again, but I’m confident. (This is partly because I was an estate agent in a former life and like to think I know my stuff but there is more to it than that).

In reality we’ve probably spent the last twelve months thinking and talking about what our next home might look like. We’ve dismissed upping our mortgage by any major amount. We’ve tried to convert our loft here and established we can’t. We’ve understood that we really want a bigger kitchen and a study, and that the garden needs to be sunny. Not an unusual list I’m sure but it’s clearer in our minds now. And that seems a good way to go forward for our family.

Tomorrow I promise to blog on christening outfits for me and the babe, it’s just been a big week aside from fashionable concerns…

Moving between babies

11 Apr

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Sometimes things are just meant to be. I am off work this week really because the child minder is away but I’m really glad I am. The babe is teething in epic fashion. It’s fair to say that she is a good baby, eats well, sleeps well and is generally smiley. Not so this week. She started with the teeth v early at 5 months and she’s had 7 or 8 for a few months now. A quick peek in her mouth this week and I can see 5 more coming through all at once! No wonder she’s grumpy.

With the babe being under the weather she has been sleeping more and likes to cuddle up on me in the morning something she hasn’t done for months. It’s been lovely and has made me think what it would be like for the potential baby number two. I can’t help thinking that I wouldn’t have the hours to devote sitting while he or she slept. I know it’s always different for a second baby and they wouldn’t know any different but it’s all food for thought. I do think the babe would like it though, she shows more and more interest in smaller babies. Bless.

The second baby thinking has led me and the hubby to talk about moving house. We love our current home and are seriously sentimental individuals. It is our first home together, I was married from it and we brought the babe back here from the hospital so it will be hard to leave. But the reality is that we are at least one bedroom short and would benefit from a much bigger kitchen. This house was bought when we were a professional couple who hadn’t thought about kids. How things change…

So, I think we should move before we think about getting pregnant again. Just need to detach the hubby from the house. Easier said than done me thinks.

Back to baby fashions tomorrow. My best mate’s little girl is getting christened on sunday and I need to think outfits!