Facebook for Mummies

Since my 2nd babe was born it seems the world on online motherhood has exploded. I frequently find myself intentionally leaving my phone in another part of my house to prevent me from phone checking inplace of playing with my kids.  Whilst the groups I subscribe to have often offered me reassurance for childhood medical complaints (newborn rash or suspected ear infections), I have started to feel that these cyber groups often bring conflict where there wasn’t any in the first place.

If I accept that if I post a picture of my child’s rash I will get a nurse, a mother who recently had a child with a similar problem, and at least 6 people telling me to call 111 incase its meningitis, then its worth posting. But am I really seeking the advice of a medical professional that doesn’t exist in this context instead of going with my instinct; Its probably nothing but if it persists I’ll take her to the docs.

Motherhood can be an isolating experience and it seems comforting to reach out to a group of people who you perceive as having the same experience as you. But perhaps that’s the problem. Just because you have the common tag of mother, doesn’t mean a lot. You are approaching a cross section of the general population who all have different backgrounds, experiences and views to you and expecting them to agree with you.  

Comforting or just plain confusing?

To the mother struggling with an abusive partner, the mum who’s lack of sex drive is getting her down and the woman who doesn’t feel emotionally attached to her children – please remember that just because somebody responds to your post doesn’t make them right.

Mummy in Mourning

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

Something to say but how to say it?

Well, I’ve been away a while – but I’m back. (I’m sure you’re all thrilled…).

Randomly the reason I have been out of the loop for the best part of 7 months is due to my inability to construct a paragraph that told anyone interested I was expecting baby no 2. I’m not a fan of broadcasting your scan pictures on facebook and the suchlike. It seems like a very personal thing and something the whole world doesn’t necessarily need or want to hear about. So not only telling facebook friends, (who at least have the benefit of knowing my actual identity), but also readers of my blog, just didn’t sit right.

After several attempts at what could have been termed an “announcement” on the blog, I gave up. I have quite a few excuses that don’t involve pregnancy too. My hubby decided that he didn’t want to move house after all (after we’d sold ours and bought another); We embarked on a major extension to our current home; My employer started legal proceedings against my husband (their ex employee)…..I could go on. But, the basic facts as of today are:

1. I am 37 weeks pregnant and expecting another little girl,
2. I finish work this Friday for another years maternity leave,
3. Our kitchen extension is not yet complete.

Relaxing.

So, i’m back to talk about what its like to be pregnant with no 2 and also to make you aware of some lovely fashion finds for Mum, baby and toddler that I have found along the way over the last few months. I will be back over the next 48 hours with a “proper” post to be entitled “Mummy in Mourning”. Its good to be back.

Offensive Language & A Dress for the Races

The last three days have been entirely consumed by wrangling with the vendor of the home we would like to call our own. Pre-motherhood I have to admit to having a bit of a potty month. As mentioned historically my hubby has military roots and you geninely have not heard swearing until you’ve spent time with the forces. Officer or squaddy no matter. Since bearing the babe I have got better but this weeks events have caused me to slip.

(I also have to admit to sounding like a true Geordie slag after 10pm on a Tuesday night. The new series of Geordie Shore is in full swing and whilst my usual accent is only slight it is ressurected and treated to a big dollop of bad language after I’ve been subjected to the true Geordies).

Anyway, several sleepness nights later we have managed to secure the house. Whilst we have paid far more than was our original intention I am over the moon. The hubby however has been repeatedly chanting the worst of all swear words at the air, in place of the miserable old man whose house we have bought. None of this took place in front of the babe who I can confirm is in the safe hands of the non-potty-mouthed childminder for the day.

On to cheaper and less stressful matters. I am off to ladies day at the races next weekend and am woefully unprepared. Pre-babe I would have spent weeks selecting a dress for a smart occassion but as it stands I have just over a week and very little money. A little route around in the last of the sales has however yielded this beauty. Whistles Dress

I am going to pair with a white lace effect blazer from Zara and my nude Jimmy Choo‘s and i’m good to go. All acheived in an afternoon at work!

Divorce & Moving

It is a commonly held belief that moving home comes second only to divorce in terms of the stress it causes to the individuals concerned. Fortunately I am not getting divorced; I am however moving house and it may cause a divorce if my hubby’s stress levels are not soon reduced.

Step one was marketing and selling our own home in the prescence of a toddler. Endless tidying up, removal of toys to a discreet corner and re-speccing the babe’s nursery as a study/3rd bedroom to the viewing public were the order of the day. Thanks to a good estate agent, a nicely decorated house (I like to think) and a wicked school catchment area, this part of the process only lasted two weeks and we now have a cash offer. Result!

It is only now the viewings have come to a close that I realise living in a certain level of disorder and dare I say filth is acceptable (even preferable) to me. An interesting discovery.

Step two is procuring the house of our dreams to suit us for the next twenty years. No mean task. This is the stage we are currently at and is proving much more challenging. 3 houses in the running. The first house has gone to best and final offers and therefore out of our price range, the second requires major renovation and the vendor is not keen to accept our (granted) cheeky offer and the third is really only a fallback. I am hoping the house buying gods are on our side to make number two happen or we may have to call in Kirsty & Phil…

Step 3 involves living happily ever after I think.

Suspect there will be a few sleepless nights, p*ssed off vendors, penniless husbands and overstretched contractors before we get there. But its all worth it in the end right??

Barbie me & my baby – sale picks

I should start by saying that I wrote this post yesterday afternoon. I think it was one of my better ones. It involved a lot of links and photos and was quite long. Then I added the final photo and accidentally deleted the lot. Error. Can’t find it anywhere though so here we go again.

I have not been tempted much by the summer sales this year. Its hard to get excited about cut price maxi-dresses when there is a rain storm going on. It seems that a lot of the high street has been running discounts since early June to try and attract any potential punters and I don’t think the quality has been great. However, the second mark downs seem to have surfaced this week and some of my favourite online retailers have gone into sale.

Given my limited budget I have tried to think about what I will need and wear for Autumn/Winter rather than buying odd bits and bobs that are too summery to get much of an outing in blighty.

First off are ankle boots. I am a big fan of my skinny jeans and whilst I often pair with ballet pumps or uggs when on mummy duties I think ankle boots can smarten up a daytime outfit with a wooly jumper or make an evening look in the winter.  I managed to pick up these beauties from a local boutique Jules B who also have a much bigger online offering. I suspect they were last winters stock but are a classic style and without the slightly ropey ankle strap, very wearable.  Check out the online boutique for other sale bargains.  http://www.julesb.co.uk/

Next is a suprise entry from H&M. I have never purchased footwear from them before and their in store sale is often a bit of a jumble sale so I went online. On their useful online styler they had these ankle boots being modelled. Granted they are not real suede but at £12 they will form a great part of my jeans and small child wardrobe.  http://www.hm.com/gb/product/95722?article=95722-C#shopOrigin=SA

Next on my hotlist, one of my favourite diffusion brands Maison Scotch. I live in these t-shirts with a boyfriend cardy in the winter and a racer vest underneath in the summer. They are £50-£100 at full price which seems like a lot for a tee but they are lovely quality, last for ages and are just a little bit out of the ordinary. I picked these two beauties up in the sale at my local Fenwicks but Flannels fashion have a great range in their sale.  http://www.flannelsfashion.com/designers/women/maison-scotch/maison-scotch-sale.aspx

No sale shopping would be complete without Hush. I have blogged about the brand loads before as I am a big fan of their loungewear and pj’s. I have been after their jersey blazer for months and I snapped it up for £25 in the sale. www.hush-uk.com

Now on to the babe. I am one of those crazy people who, despite their small child, waits up till midnight to log onto the very start of the Zara sale.  I love their baby and kids wear and there is often very little of it in the sale so it pays to be prompt. I managed to pick up skinny jeans in the next two sizes up, a pretty dress, a couple of tees and some loafters all for £47. Would have cost me nearer £90 full price. My babe shopping principle is much the same as my own so everything I bought was suitable for Autumn/Winter.  www.zara.com

Last but not least a random and late night purchase on the Ipad. Whilst breastfeeding I developed a late night iphone ebay habit during night feeds and the ipad allows me a similar capability to shop night or day, (much to the hubby’s despair).  Whilst browsing the Asos sale I came across these suede Mary Janes by Dune reduced from £95 to £39. I have to admit to not being the biggest fan of Dune but had I not been aware of the brand these shoes would have been right up my street. Given the price I elected to order them on the basis I could always return.

I love them. Not only are they super flattering they will go equally well with opaque tights and a skirt for work as with skinny jeans and a jumper for day. Still available on Asos in a 40 last time I looked…!

Now, lunchtime is approaching. I intend to counter the negative effects left by a 12noon bikini wax with a trip to the All Saints sale…

That’s just rubbish

I have decided to ignore the undeniably crazy weather happening around me and write about something else today. I have a mate who is in the process of electing not to have another baby because of the strain on her family finances. Whilst I have the utmost respect for her choice and can’t help wishing everyone thought about the practicalities that come with parenthood, it makes me sad.

She so wants to have another baby.

Football widow

In today’s news it is suffice to say that the conception of our second child is being severely obstructed by the football.

I was hopeful that England‘s woeful performance and subsequent crashing out would bring the hubby back to bed before midnight each night but he remains captivated regardless.

I see that Spain v Portugal has gone to extra time so will accept defeat for tonight in favour of a good nights sleep!

Best Baby Buddies

I am lucky enough that my little babe has a little babe buddy. I am even luckier that the babe’s buddy’s mummy is my best mate.

I say all this because today was one of those days where you remember how important your friendships are for you and your kids.

The babe’s little buddy came running across to me and the babe this morning when she spotted us at playgroup and remained clamped to my leg until I picked her up for a cuddle. The two little ones then spent a couple of amusing hours investigating the plastic wendyhouse and offering each other raisins. Super cute.

I posted a couple of days ago about a Baby Zara body warmer I had purchased for the babe.  http://wp.me/p2hahM-7X  When I popped in at our buddy’s house yesterday I spotted the exact same one! (And believe me that is not because my mate reads my blog!)

Coordinating pregnancy number two could be more tricky…

5 beds, 6 baths!

As some of my regular blog followers may be aware we have been looking to move house of late. I am keen to be moved before babe no. 2 comes along, (I don’t think I’m pregnant yet but we are planning), as we are now running short on bedrooms.

We have today been to see a house that was worthy of its own blog post; not so much for its potential but it bizarre ratio of bedrooms to bathrooms.

The hubby and I were wowed by the open plan kitchen, refurbished living and dining space and gorgeous rear garden. There was a nicely done W.C. on the ground floor which was a bonus and all was going well. However, by the time we got to bedroom number three it was clear that mr developer had seen fit to cut several feet off each lovely bedroom to create identikit ensuite facilities in every one. The result was a house with 5 bedrooms, (none of them big enough to fit a decent sized bed!), and 6 bathrooms.

The accompanied viewer from the local agent also pointed out to me that cleaning 6 bathrooms on a weekly basis could be somewhat time consuming.

On to the next one….