Mummy in Mourning

Now that I have got over myself and made you aware that I am pregnant again it seems like I have 37 weeks worth of banal comments to share with you. I will avoid this as best I can but there are a couple of things that have given me pause for thought and made me wish I was blogging to share.

I go to a lovely toddler class run by an ex-midwife most weeks. Its a really chilled out class that the bambina loves and is frequented by a lot of 2nd time Mums. Over time I’ve got chatting to one lady imparticular (we’ll call her Jill) who has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old little boy. She’s one of those people who you almost know you’ll get on with on sight and she’s kept a bit of an eye on me during my pregnancy.

4/5 months in to my (very much planned) pregnancy I had a bit of a wobble you see. I suddenly realised that it wouldn’t just be me and my little girl anymore. (Not to exclude my lovely hubby but just to be honest about how I feel). I was sad for me and I was sad for her; She would now have to share me when all my focus, attention and love had been on her for the best part of two years. Rationally I knew it would be ok, that I would love no 2 just as much as no 1 and that I would make sure my first born felt just as important as she always had but…the thoughts were there in the back of my head and were inclined to make me weepy mid “mummy cuddle”.

Jill had me figured out straight away. She said that whilst she’d been pregnant second time round she had become an emotional wreck that her other half really struggled to manage. She was “in mourning” for her relationship with her little girl. Her phrase. And would frequently burst in to tears at the prospect of what she had done to her family, her daughter and herself. In comparison I have been relatively sane. The tears have been sporadic at best and I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t occasionally have a quiet weep at my lovely daughter pregnant or not. So in short her honesty made me feel a lot better, and a lot more normal.

It was only last week that I realised what Jill described was really quite serious stuff in her case and actually translated into post natal depression after she had her little boy. The revelation that in the car on the way home from hospital after having her little boy she told her husband that she “loved one of her children and not the other” was the start of a struggle to bond with her 2nd born that she’s now more than over but needed midwife intervention.

So where does this leave me and my head. As the pregnancy has progressed I’ve realised that I will miss just having one baby girl, but I am also so very lucky to be adding another little girl to my family. As time has gone on I know for sure that i’ve got more than enough love to go round.

Home Alone

It’s Monday night and that would usually mean a night with the hubby before he disappears off to London for a couple of days but tonight he is busy corporate entertaining so I’m home alone.

Had a lovely day with the babe.  A couple of baby classes really allowed her to show off her new crawl and cruise moves.  So cute and feels like real independence from me! Bless her. Aside from that we have been very low on naps due to this pesky cough she has but she’s settled to sleep tonight ok after her best attempts to climb out of the bath failed spectacularly…..

The lack of daytime sleeping did alert me to the fact that answering my work blackberry during the day on my days off is going to be a nightmare. Trying to second guess when she will be asleep and catching the relevant client at the right time will surely rarely sync..

Anyway… A night without the hubby usually involves washing, ironing and fake tanning. (He hates the stuff and who can blame him but at least he doesn’t have to wash the sheets). However, I have just this afternoon discovered that I can rent films on my iPad so am going to watch We Need To Talk About Kevin. Love the book so am scared of ruining it but too tempted to give it a miss, will report back later in the week.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242460/

Top Tip 3

Megabloks

My hubby’s only disappointment on the arrival of our little girl was the lack of Lego likely to be in his future. He loves the stuff and has even made me go to the New York store to have a look (twice).

Whilst I haven’t given up on the babe mastering Lego later in her childhood i think 11months is a bit young, it would just end up up her nose so have opted for Megabloks. Genius!

http://www.megabloks.com/

I ordered the 24 piece fairy tale castle from Amazon. It comes in a plastic box with a lid, is pretty and pink and has so far provided my child with an excellent opportunity to sort, her current favourite activity. When daddy returns from the big smoke I’m sure the castle will be up in no time. An excellent father daughter activity if ever I saw one …. Will post a photo of the completed castle next week.